Is a 26 year old female too young to know what she wants in life? No? Then why do I get the impression from *some people* that I'm too young to decide that I want to be *child-free*? Not many people would tell a 26 year old female that she is too young to decide she wants children. In fact, there may be many people who would question why a 26 year old female doesn't already have children. But those same people would probably tell a 26 year old male that he has plenty of time before he settles down. Nice little double standard, eh?

This blog sets out to tackle the huge issue of wanting to procreate versus wanting to NOT procreate. Of course, some books and blogs exist on the issue already, and I'm actually quite excited to start reading them more in depth, which of course I'll discuss in future blog entries. I've also asked a couple like-minded girlfriends to co-blog with me. And I'd LOVE to have the male population represented on this issue, so childfree men.... if you are interested in blogging, let me know!!

My background on the issue is such: I've known since I was a senior in high school that having children didn't seem like a preferable option for me. Of course, growing up, I assumed I'd be a mother, because I was given the impression that's 'just what a female does'. But after some time considering my future goals and what motherhood really meant AND becoming an aunt three or four years prior, I began to realize, motherhood isn't all it's cracked up to be AND you aren't REQUIRED to have kids. From approximately age 18 to current age of 26, I've gone through different levels of openness on the issue. What I mean by this is, the level to which I would push the issue. How vocal was I and how much did I fight about it, trying to convince people, be they relatives or coworkers or strangers, that I WAS and AM capable of making such a decision.

I've been blessed by having a family that doesn't really care one way or another. In fact I have an aunt on either side of my parents' families that is childfree. And these are the 'cool aunts'. Of course, I love all my aunts (and uncles), but a childfree aunt has more liberties, has less people demanding her time, so she can afford to do fun things with her nieces and nephews. Not to say that my aunts that have children are 'lame', but there IS a difference. The 'fun aunt' can swoop in at a moment's notice and whisk the kids off somewhere fun. The 'fun aunt' can bring zany gifts, can spoil the kids rotten. And it's actually been such a joy for ME to play the 'fun aunt' to my three amazing nephews. This isn't saying my sisters aren't 'fun aunts' to the boys, but says more about ME and how I get to define myself.

One summer before my senior year of college, I got to live with a 'fun aunt' and uncle. It was one of the most entertaining and fun summers I've had. I was taking summer classes and working in the college town they lived in (an hour away from my birth/current city). My uncle has three daughters so my aunt got to be a grandma without giving birth. WIN! But many of my aunt and uncle's friends actually don't have children, (two couples and a single woman come to mind). I got the chance to talk with them many times about what it was like to be in their 50s and not have kids and the different experiences they came across when people found out and questioned them. One of the first things I remember most, is the terminology.

For many years, people without children have been labeled 'childless'. This term, as it was explained to me, is actually a bit demeaning. It denotes that the person is 'less' of a person for not having children. It could also denote that they were unable to have children and are upset about it. Instead, the preferred term is *childfree*. Free of children! How wonderful indeed! Free of worry and responsibility, right? Well, not having your own children doesn't mean you lose all sense of concern for other kids you know (nieces and nephews etc). But the term 'childfree' does a better job of highlighting the freedom that comes with that lifestyle. Because none of those couples had to worry about children, we were all *free* to head off any weekend to go relax at the cabin. Or we were *free* to go out to a bar or out for dinner or catch a show or go for a drive or do whatever! And there were no concerns about children. That was a great glimpse for me what it means to be *childfree* in your 50s. And I liked it! And I'm excited for it! I'm excited to stay *childfree* and continue to be *the fun aunt*.

But I got to thinking yesterday... why do I still have to refer to children to denote that they won't be present in my life? You wouldn't say "I'm a non-Chicago resident" or "I'm a non-BMW owner". We don't define ourselves by what we don't have, so why do I have to refer to children to say I don't have them? I was boggled and put the question to my friends. What terminology should we use? Liberated? Free? Happy? Rich? ;) One of my male friends came up with a great one, which you see here: "Independent of Dependents". That's the closest we could find to something that shows that people that don't have children aren't lacking a rich life because of it. We are independent of the mutual dependence that children require: Children depend on their parents for everything, and in turn, parents come to depend on their children for affection and identification of their role in the world.

Obviously, by the length of this entry, one can tell there is sooooo much to say on this issue. I haven't even begun to delve deeper into reasons we choose this lifestyle, responses we get from people or difficulties 'IOD' people face. If there's anything you should take away from this initial entry before my co-bloggers and I expound upon the issue, know this:
Childfree/People that are IOD do not hate children, we aren't any more selfish than the average human, we don't hate people who do have children, we aren't bored or moping about our lives and we have thought this through.

I look forward to writing more to provide a forum where other childfree/IOD's can relish in the growing knowledge of our lives AND so that people who do have children are able to have a place to learn more about something they may or may not comprehend. It's also hopefully a spot where anyone who is on the fence can learn to weigh the options and make a decision that is best for them. So, after a lengthy entry, I'm off.... to begin reading this: