Author of the above book, Corrine Maier,
"There are some things that a mère de famille - the mother of a family - just doesn't say, or she risks being seen as a monster. The party line is, "I'm proud of my children: if there is one thing I do not regret, it's becoming a parent." p.4Maier also points out that it is necessary that a mother is the author of a book such as this:
"There are some things that only a mère de famille can say, if she has the nerve to come out and say them. If I had written this book without having had children, everybody would have accused me of being an embittered and jealous old hag. I expect I'll still be called an unworthy mother." p. 12Honestly, as a mother, Maier is much more well equipped than a non-parent to detail reasons why one should close the door on parenthood. There are details about taxes and school registration and other such things that I as an 'Always Adoring Aunt' won't actually know without research. And since Maier is writing from the French perspective, there are of course other governmental tax systems when it comes to having children.
This book is short and easy to get through. I highly recommend it for the Independent of Dependents (IOD) crowd for reaffirmation of their choice; the parents that want to commiserate the difficulities of parenthood AND understand it's okay to admit that a childfree lifestyle would have its benefits; and for those people still on the fence about the decision to procreate. After reading this book, I was scared even more so into my choice of staying IOD. There are so many non-romantic, non-fairy tale elements of child-rearing and Maier does a superb job of NOT sugar-coating them. Thank you, Corinne Maier!!!
COMIC STRIP REVIEW:
This entire comic strip, day after day, shows the trials and tribulations of parenthood. While funny and relatable to many people, to me, it's also a warning of what life could be. I'm not saying parenthood is equivalent of being incarcerated, but I'll bet some parents feel that's what it's like sometimes. And honestly, it basically is. A sentence of 18+ years of guardianship and guidance. But I don't want my life to be spent trying to raise children and tell someone else what to do. In fact, my father was still trying to discipline my 20 year old brother and I at the dinner table the other night, telling us not to be "crass" i.e. stop burping and farting and laughing about it. But my poor father is like Rodney Dangerfield... He 'gets no respect'. My mother even joined my brother and I when we were laughing uncontrollably at my father's tirade against bodily functions. Poor Dad. Just trying to play the disciplinarian and trying to make us suitable dinner guests. Well, that just goes to show... a parent's job is never done.
ARTICLE REVIEW: http://omaha.com/article/20110529/LIVING/705299911#age-old-decision
This article was featured in the Sunday paper and immediately caught my eye. It features the trend of women waiting longer before they have children. Some of their reasons feature wanting to travel, wanting to become more accomplished and focused, wanting to have the financial ability to raise children, being able to increase their pay before having children (often there is a larger pay gap for women who already have children), or meeting their partner later. The statistics show that 76% of women who have college degrees become mothers, while 88% of women with less than a high school degree become mothers. This to me is interesting. It's not to say that if you have more education you don't want children, but it seems if you have a higher education, you realize that other opportunities exist and take part in them. Of the families featured in the article, none mentioned adoption or fostering as an option to child-rearing and to me, that is a little disappointing. I'm glad that there is an increasing trend to live one's life and MAKE a decision for children, but there still is a large focus on the importance of starting one's one biological family. I'm sure there are many children out there who would benefit very much from the worldliness and financial stability these 'older' parents are able to provide. Personally, I have a hard time with the biology of childbirth. I really wish humans were more compassionate and were able to love other children that already exist, rather than needing to have their own biology reflected in their offspring. I know there are many people out there who lovingly open their homes to adoption, but unfortunately, it's not enough and there are too many children in unsafe foster situations. IF I were to ever want children someday, I do hope that I would be able to open my heart and take part in adoption or fostercare; to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak. I do so wish that people who want so badly to be parents could consider fostering or adopting children in need. Love is love, isn't it?
MOVIE REIVEW: When I grabbed 'Auntie Mame' (1958) off the shelf at the library, I wasn't thinking about using it for a research point, but after watching it I'm delighted at how well it fits with my beliefs. Originally I was thinking, 'Ah, Rosalind Russell! An old classic movie! Gotta watch it!' After watching it, I do believe I may have watched it before as part of my Film Studies degree, but it was still fun to watch. The premise is of a young boy who goes to live with his wild aunt in New York. I love the message. 'A woman doesn't have to give birth to be a mother, to have grandchildren.' 'Being an aunt can be just as fulfilling as the role of mother.' 'A woman can live an amazing life without having to give birth.' The list goes on and on. It's a film about poo-pooing accepted standards. Mame even takes in an unwed mother, which was quite a stigma back in the day. This movie makes me smile, because it is one of my ambitions to be Auntie Mame! I want to be the fun, free-wheeling aunt who has all the love and adventures to give to my wonderful nephews (maybe future neices?). I want to be the one who can afford to be frivilous and fun and exciting. There is glory in this to be sure. And the funny thing is, that my glorification and idealization of the role of 'aunt' is the same that many young women put on the role of 'mother'. But the thing is, I'm already an aunt. I know what the reality of it is. I can choose how often I get to see my nephews, how involved to be. As a mother, that isn't a luxury one has. It's a committment. Being an aunt is and isn't a choice. I was given the role of aunt, and it's one I accepted excitedly. But I could have very well denounced it or been uninterested and still held the title of 'aunt'. Some might say that motherhood isn't a choice, that it just 'happens'. But those are people who probably have very strict religious views about contraception and/or abortion. We live in a world of science and technology. We have a choice. There are many choices in this world. No one should look down on another's choice, is it not? You wouldn't dare to convince me, a person who gets weak at the site of blood and broken bones, non-science minded, with an unsteady hand, to become a brain surgeon, now would you? So why dare to try to convince me to be a mother, when I'm in love with traveling and art and exploration and sleeping in and creating and living a lifestyle of MY choosing? If you aren't going to be there to change the diapers at 2 am, you better not try to tell me to have children! And I won't tell you to climb an active volcano or jump off a cliff to go paragliding (both of which I've done!). Leave my adventure to me, and you can have your adventure of your choosing.
"Diapers or diamonds? Now, I'm sure I could have both, but I'm not greedy. Driver, pull the car around. We're going to Tiffany's!" - Me! DPS 5/30/2011Peace, in whatever YOU choose!
-D
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