Duggars: Clown Car vs. Ruckers: Fostering Heroes

By now, we have all heard that the Duggars are expecting Child #20. Personally, this sickens me. I will admit I am not a fan of organized religion, especially when it includes mistakenly justifying the overpopulation of the Earth. (We are over 7 billion people for anyone who's counting.) I've tried to ignore this family and their show and what they stand for (using religion as an excuse to shirk 'family planning' based on technology... or at least using a freaking condom once in a while) but if you are interested in this frighteningly abnormal family, check out the link above. Also check out this article that claims that Michelle Duggar is technically a feminist because she made a life choice that makes her happy. Oh and this book that supposedly tells you that you are mistaken if you think having kids is expensive, cuz it's not and having kids is LOADS of fun. For those of you not following the link, the book is called "Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think" by Bryan Caplan. The 'great' thing about this book (that I have NOT read) is that it openly lists the reasons as being SELFISH. At least, they admit it. But unfortunately they act as if it's a good thing to be 'selfish' and disregard your perceptions about using finances as a valid reason to abstain from (more) children.

Here's the thing. I don't personally want children but my wish is that more people educate themselves about this CHOICE that will have THE biggest effect on their lives more so than anything else they will ever do. Having kids is the one thing that you cannot 'undo'. You can get a divorce, you can change jobs, you can move cities but you cannot un-have children. 

Maybe the Duggars are good people. Even though I don't agree with their religion and their reasoning for having children, they are providing a safe, loving home for their oodles of kids. (Although the kids can't possibly get the amount of parental attention they would like... especially since child-rearing duties are passed on to the other kids.) The kids are growing up with a set of morals (the religious background scares me - I can almost guarantee that an atheist never uses 'natural family planning') and they seem to be happy, positive people. Even though I don't agree with their religion or lifestyle, I can't help thinking what if the Duggars would have adopted 20 children? Now, it's possible that no adoption agency would place more kids in their crowded home but if the Duggars really have so much love to give, why couldn't they have cared for some of the other children on this Earth? They believe that children are a gift from God but their actions seem to say that it's only your genetic children. And this seems to be the mainstream attitude. And this really, really makes me sad. 

Even though I don't want to spend my life in a caretaker role to children, I applaud those that open their hearts and homes to children who really need parents. I'm talking about those people who foster or adopt children that are not biologically their own. People like the Ruckers who have fostered over 45 children within 7 years. <----- Video available at the link. Another, shorter video available below.

I know the fostering system isn't perfect and there are abusive people who take advantage of the fostering system because of the stipend BUT people like this couple make my heart swell. People who are able to do this make me feel so much better about the world and so thankful for these loving, wonderful people.

But then I remember how much people are drawn to starting their 'own' family. When we don't stop and question the norms, we don't always reach our highest potential. Many times people do the 'marriage and kids' thing because it is just what people do. I always encourage people to really get in tune with what makes them happy, whether it's children or not, to really understand and explore what it is they want.

In my life, I understand the responsibilities and lifestyle changes that accompany having children. When I listen to myself and understand my calling and where my life is leading me, I can tell that having children isn't for me. And I can't change that, as much as I can't change the fact that I'm not called to be a doctor. Were my life's motivation to change drastically (not likely), I hope that I would have the strength to foster children. I don't have the urge to birth children and I honestly don't like the baby years. I like kids who are more dependent (i.e. potty trained!) so the leap to being a foster parent would make sense, were it to be what I want. But, it's not. And I can't change that. But it doesn't stop me from wanting so badly for children in foster care to find the loving homes they deserve.

Wanting a childfree life for myself does not mean I want children to suffer. It helps me see the world from a different viewpoint. I see thousands of children in every nation that suffer from lack of a loving home environment in which to grow into strong, happy people who can do great things. I can't imagine what it must be like to grow up feeling inadequate because their biological parents were unable to care for them (hence needing to promote more options and education on contraception!). I can't imagine what these children must feel and it breaks my heart. I was born into a two parent home and had all of my needs met so I can easily follow my dreams and make something of myself. But these children in foster care, despite any of the problems they may carry around with them, are no 'worse' than any children a couple may biologically have. There are no guarantees in life. People are inclined to have their own children because a) it happens b) they want to see what their kids would look like c) they want a fairy tale family. So do these kids.

If anyone happens to be reading this blog, anyone who actually isn't childfree, PLEASE ask yourself if you have room in your heart and in your home to reconsider fostering children. Wait, watch the videos below. THEN ask yourself.

The following video is from March 2010, but I'm sure the numbers are still as unsettling.

This next video is from Jan 2010 about a family who did adopt and foster and you can hear the journalist tearing up as he finishes the story.

You might tear up as you watch these kids talk about getting adopted when you see the smiles on their faces.....

Okay, last tearjerker video. From the same series as the one above.

SO... If you live a life in which you want to be a parent, PLEASE open your mind and your heart to the idea of fostering and/or adopting. How much different would our world be if we encouraged people to not only be more responsible for their own reproductive power but to see their own possible power when it comes to the impact on one's community?

If it takes a village to raise a child, why aren't the villagers more concerned? I'm an Auntie for life but I still do my part in the village! What are you being called to do?


Addendum: (11/11/11 at 7:45 am) To clarify, I'm not saying that I look down upon those that have their own birth children but I highly encourage those who wish to add more children to their family really consider adoption and/or fostering as options in their lives.