Going Against the Grain

When you stop and consider how socially revolutionary it is to say 'I don't want kids,' it tends to follow that other societal 'norms' are easier to eschew. On a whole, I guess I've questioned a lot of things.... I don't follow religion, I don't want to buy into real estate and be tied down, I don't see the lure of marriage in my future and I've recently come to terms with not wanting a 'real' job. And at age 26, I'm learning (or at least telling myself) that this is okay. It's slightly scary but also liberating. And I'm quite glad that I've taken the time and been able to make these important choices on what is best for ME rather than cave into the pressures and go down a road (job, house, spouse and kids) that might not be right for me.

In society, across all cultural barriers, humans put pressure on their offspring and their peers to follow the most popular and accepted path but this fails to allow people to customize their lives. You can customize your car, your home, your phone, your computer, even your lawn but we aren't really encouraged to customize our life choices. Sure, you can choose a career but that is one of the identifiers humans put on ourselves. 'I'm a doctor' or 'he's a lawyer' or 'she's a human resources manager'. Many unemployed people feel worthless because they built their identity around a job that they no longer have.

Go to a bar, meet a stranger and they'll ask 'What do you do?'. This question is one of my pet peeves. I'm not at a bar to talk about work. (I'm usually at a bar to forget about work!) My work doesn't define me and frankly, explaining the 2.5 jobs I do to make ends meet will bore you AND me, so please don't ask!

I was recently thinking of creating a 'State of the Union Address' for my girlfriends so they could see where I stand on big issues right now (since we don't talk as often as we used to) but I might as well share it here. After all, for those child-minded, they may like to see the thoughts of one childfree mind. (I speak only for myself.)

• Religion: I find religion to be disconcerting, not because it challenges you to hold your behavior to a higher standard but because it is run by fallible humans who claim to have divinely inspired knowledge about events or phenomena outside of our comprehension (or era) while simultaneously trying to fit humans into little boxes that restrict activities for sometimes very bizarre reasons. I do believe in a spiritual connection and power but it seems a waste of time to worry on the details.
• Politics: Ugh. A dirty system meant to benefit the people in office and those that bribe them. I have little faith in the political system. It and religion are more linked than they should be.
• Romance: After going on a couple dates with compatible Childfree males, I had to listen to myself and realize, I may actually be a 'single-minded' person. I'm more inclined to stay home and work on my projects that make me happy than to foster a relationship with just one other person. I've spent the majority of my life single and happy and I'll be fine if I stay that way. Finding another person is such a pressure on most people that they lose focus on just exploring their own personality and being happy in their own skin. I'm also not sure I understand the concept of 'forever'. Since I don't have kids and won't have any in my future, I would be able to cut myself off from exes a heck of a lot easier than those who procreate. Thank goodness! Again, relationships are just one of those things that people are pressured into sometimes without thinking about it. Once I actually considered it and realized what I was leaning towards, I discovered I may be a lone agent but it still makes me happy. (But I'll add the cliché: 'Who knows what the future holds?')
• Career: No career path and okay with that. This is one of the most recent revelations I've had. I had an opportunity at my workplace to double my money and quadruple my workload. Luckily, it took them three weeks to post that position and in that ample time, I was my usual 'pendulum' self, going back and forth on my decision-making process, polling people and picking out nice apartments I could afford without going over the 'no more than 30% of your income goes toward housing' rule. After really mulling over what I want in my life, really searching deep inside my true self, I decided that the more intense job would give me undesired stress in something I really had no interest in doing. It would also drain me of energy needed for my more important projects I do at home. These projects are what I eventually want to receive money for doing so it makes no sense to put money at the forefront if it pushes my desires to the backburner. THIS is a huge step for me. I'm able to make enough money at an unchallenging job in order to do the things I want to do and THAT is fine. 

It's difficult because society tells me that I should want more money and a better job. But that is so overwhelming! And silly! Look at it this way.... if I have 80 years of life, these 80 years are full of unknown events and people that affect the course my life will take. So to sit here and say, 'By this age, I'm going to do this and this age, I'll have done this' is so very futile. I have very little control over the world and just as I don't want to waste time on religious details, I don't want to waste time plotting out supposed events in my unpredictable future.

This doesn't mean that I have no aspirations in life and that I'm just floating around. On the contrary! My life, when not working for money or sleeping, is spent pursuing many activities that give me fulfillment: volunteering, writing, making music, watching movies, dancing, spending time with family and friends, traveling, taking photos, learning languages, making art, performing, etc. (Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can find something to occupy the time that won't be spent raising children!) I work on these things in hopes that I am preparing myself for future opportunities that will allow me to leave my humdrum jobs and use these talents to make money. At this point in my life, I just need to make money. Besides being creative and entertaining, there isn't a certain 'career' that calls out to me. I just had to come to terms with that because that is how I am wired and that is where I am in life at this point. (No quarter-life crisis necessary. PASS!)

I don't condemn people that truly want a family or really enjoy a certain career path. My focus is on promoting choices. If you choose employment or a career, children or childfree, a planted home or an RV, a religion or reason, make sure it is something you feel deep inside your bones, your flesh, your very being. There is no one way to live, no one route to happiness.

I may not know what the next 60+(?) years of my life hold in store but I will do my best every day to be glad for each passing moment, month, and year that I'm allowed to learn and grow as a person in the adventure that only I can live! Best wishes to you on your adventure!

*Remember you either get older or you die, so quit your complaining!*