"Never Say Never"

Recently, via social media, I asked a drag queen (one of my favorite entertainers) if he thought he would ever have kids and he said "probably not but you can never say never". Maybe he meant he couldn't say 'never' and that is his right. Some people may not see children as a part of their lives but could be open to it 'should the stars align'. More power to 'em on their life adventures! (And may they be prepared!)

But for those of us who have thought long and hard about the decision to procreate/raise children, we can say 'never'.  For me:
I will never be President of the USA.
I will never be a marine biologist.
I will never be a doctor.
I will never climb Mount Everest in the buff.
I will never procreate/have children.

Of course, there is ALWAYS the possibility that I may be put in a mother role, due to unforeseen circumstances that I don't want to imagine. (For me, this does not include dating a man with kids, b/c I feel so strongly about it, that if a man has kids, the dating will not even commence. We all have our standards and if you wouldn't bend your 'no drugs' rule for a drug addict that could be 'the one'.... then don't be surprised if I stick with my guns on the child thing.)

As a female at age 26 (some would say: too young to decide to be CF but not too young to be a mother?!?!), with my experiences of being a child, being a babysitter, being a camp counselor and being an aunt for the past 12 years, I think I have the right to say the word 'never' when it comes to the child decision. 

Yet there is a stigma that follows this declaration. There is something about humans that when they hear the word 'never' they want to point out to that 'it's possible!!!' Sure, many things are possible. Notice that I didn't say "I will never kill another human being"? Because, technically, it is possible. Of course, I do my best to avoid it but a situation calling for the death of another person could arise, i.e. self-defense. Or someone just really pissing me off. JUST KIDDING!

But humans just want to be right and sometimes that means saying: "You never know".

1) There is no benefit to the person saying this except supposed 'bragging rights' were I to 'change my mind.' Therefore this statement is self-serving and egotistical. It will NOT make me change my mind as it is NOT persuasive and has no bearing on the reality of birthing and raising children.
2) With the amount of technology and knowledge we have, it is very possible to avoid pregnancy altogether, so I'm quite sure I 'know' I won't be having children.
3) Whatever possibilities that may occur in life, it will never change the amount of responsibility that children bring.

This last one is very important. Saying "I'm not having children" is not the same as saying "I'll never move to Texas". Someday, I may move to Texas but it is not an occurrence that comes with a lifetime of responsibility or change.

Sometimes, I think 'I could possibly be persuaded to adopt years into the future' but then I remember... in most cases, where the kids come from doesn't affect the amount of work that children bring. Adoption, though less physically demanding than birthing and diapering, (I don't like the baby years) does not prevent me from having to deal with all of the other things that I am trying to avoid by not having children in the first place. In this case, adopting would actually be selfish of me because I would be doing it to feel better about myself, to feel as if I'm helping children out. But I'm not helping them out if I don't actually want to have kids around me 24/7 for the next couple decades.

I counteract this 'impulse' to help other people by volunteering with special needs kids. It leaves me both exhausted (after 3 hours) yet very fulfilled. I can then tackle all of the other life goals I have for myself that factor into my decision to remain Independent of Dependents.

It's similar to a situation I faced recently at work. I could stay at my regular job that had all the perks I enjoyed or I could apply for a job that doubled my pay but would stress me out with quadruple the work-load and many job elements that I am happy to not currently have. I had to fight the impulse of 'but I feel like I should' to really identify what is best for me. And I really am all the happier for it, despite not having the extra money that I wasn't missing anyway.

So, while saying "I never want kids" sounds flippant and therefore deserving of a flippant "Never say never" response, saying 'never' is not flippant when it is actually the end result of a well-thought out decision.

And it is a very important decision that should be respected whether a person chooses something you would or not. I choose to remain Childfree/Independent of Dependents/The Fun Aunt because it is what I truly desire and I know that will give me the space/time/energy to be happy/free/me. But I also need to respect those who have chosen the Children Choice. If I'm not supposed to ask 'Are you sure?' to a woman who says she wants children, I deserve the same respect when stating my desires for my future.

So, if you could 'never' imagine your life without your children, know that I feel just as strongly about 'never' having children. Yeah? So if I say 'never', you better believe it! ;)

Peace.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that employing the concept of 'never' can have a negative connotation, implying that a person isn't open to the marvelous possibilities of life. But the list of things I'll never do are realities I'm okay with and would rather not do anyway. It's possible to employ the concept of 'never' and keep a positive and realistic view on life and what an individual desires in his or her own unique life. Capiche?